Decades ago, my boss, head of PMO, called me into his office.
I could tell from his face the meeting with his boss hadn’t gone well.
“Jamal, I need your help,” he pleaded.
“Project Z is slipping again and I can’t get a straight answer as to why. I like you to take charge.
We cannot afford to lose another client.”
I was a Senior Business Analyst with no formal project management experience. Only common sense and a lifetime managing chaos.
So I said yes.
I assumed everyone else would be as committed as I was.
Wrong assumption.
The moment I started asking questions, the walls went up.
In one project review, I asked the lead developer why we were adding features not in scope.
“Because the client expects it,” he said.
“Did they request it in writing?”
Silence.
“So we’re building features based on assumptions, not requirements?”
More silence.
That silence said everything.
That’s when it started.
The whispers. The sideways glances.
Soon my boss’s office became a revolving door of complaints.
“She’s too difficult.”
“She asks too many questions.”
“She doesn’t let things slide.”
“She challenges everything.”
Yet I was the same “nice” person they praised two weeks earlier. What changed was my mandate, my questions, my persistence in seeking answers, and my refusal to accept excuses.
I expected my boss to cave.
But he didn’t.
Instead, his reply was three questions:
“Is she respectful?”
“Is she competent?”
“Are her questions valid?”
He would get nods all around.
That’s when I understood.
“Difficult” often just means disruptive to comfort, not destructive to progress.
That day, I decided to wear my “difficult” crown proudly.
I wasn’t hired because I’m easy, nice or popular. I was hired to do what others find difficult.
That moment shaped how I led for the rest of my career.
Since then, I’ve completed formal training and led programs worth hundreds of millions and built teams from 5 to 500.
And today I seek out those people labeled “difficult.”
They’re usually my top performers — the ones who ask hard questions and raise standards.
Not everyone labeled “difficult” deserves defending.
Some are toxic or disrespectful and that is unacceptable.
A good leader must distinguish between transformative “difficult” and toxic “difficult”.
A “difficult” person becomes transformative when:
• Their intent is progress, not ego
• Their method is respectful, not destructive
• Their presence raises everyone’s standard
If you lead, learn to tell the difference.
If you’re led, don’t dim your light to make others comfortable.
So the next time someone calls you “difficult”, listen, seek to understand what you are disrupting.
If it’s comfort, keep going.
If it’s progress, pause and course correct.
The best transformations don’t come from people who make everyone comfortable.
They come from people who make doing the right thing unavoidable.
What are you disrupting?
